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I only wanted a fancy picture or two, now the Nigerian pirates are after me

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Righ, fucking hell, where to start with this one, a right cluster fuck.. So, I'm working on a new project, I saw a gap in the market and I'm rolling with it. I got the website sorted, everything looked good, but I wanted it to look a little more personalised. So I went on fiverr, and made a job request titled "customising my website template" and in the description I put: simple edits, add a few images and change a few things on the php script. Right, simple enough?  Yeah, you'd fucking think so. So, the next day I had about 50 or so replies, one caught my attention, he said he will make my website beautiful and do great things. Who can't ignore an offer like that, so I agreed a price,  he said they was going to make my website responsive or some shit, I said if its in the budget, you do what you need todo. So I paid the funds into the escrow, and gave the guy the admin details so he can crack on. Next day, he messages me saying he's having a little troubl...
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So I joined a sugar mommas website

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I've done that kinda thing I do that lands me in the dog house again. I looked at a tweet of some guy who got a rolex off a cougar, and then sold it, bought fucking dodge with it, and made it lol. I mean don't get me wrong, but that sounds like a golden ticket compared to my onlyfans. So I joined the site, verified myself, did all my details, and then uploaded my photo. Fucker keeps getting denied, its a good a photo. Now what. Technically, after reading the forums, I'm now referred to as a cub, and they are the wealthy cougars, what kind of world have I entered here. My wife will fucking batter me if she sees this.
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